SuusVooijs

Tag: perfectionism

  • Overthinking

    Perfectionism is still holding me back, even though when I (re)started I promised myself I would keep it simple. The blog/website/whatever, that is. I wouldn’t overthink the aesthetics of it, because writing is the goal. Yet here we are, once again several months later, with countless website pages in my drafts and 0 posts. I’m overcomplicating when in reality it is so simple. Just. Write.

    I do understand why I’m doing it. Nitpicking on the minor details is far more within my comfortzone than writing is. As long as I continue to hide behind the excuse of the website not being as I want it yet, no one will have opinions for there is nothing to have an opinion on. Writing is putting myself out there. Writing is sharing a piece of myself that is vulnerable. Which is also precisely why I want to doing exactly that.

    As I am writing this, I am overthinking about the fact that I am writing about how difficult writing is, and how non-relevant this post will be. Is this what I would like to be putting out in the world? Not exactly, no. Is this what my hands are typing at the moment and is it better than not writing at all? Yes.

    Overcoming overthinking requires breaking the overthinking cycle. Following the cliché of ‘Just do it’, or divert entirely. Because overthinking definitely will never allow me to publishing my words, just doing will.

    “It is easier to consume what everyone else is making, then attempting to close that gap [between imagination and creation] yourself”

    Ottilie

  • Perfectionism

    The number of attempts I’ve made at writing this blog, or any blog, can no longer be counted on one hand. Which is a shame, really. Not because of the “many failed” attempts, but because knowing that if I kept going I could’ve already been where I want to be.

    So what keeps making me stop? What is it that makes me feel the need to wipe everything and start over?

    The answer isn’t black and white, but I suspect it has something to do with perfectionism.

    Every time I had posted a few writings, the urge came to delete everything and “start over”. To “do it better” next time. But why does “better” always seem to mean “start over”?

    I think it’s because, as I learned new things along the way, I felt I had to apply those lessons retroactively. Not just to what I was writing now, but to everything I’d already published. Even the old posts (especially the old posts) no longer felt “good enough.” I didn’t want to show the phases of my beginnerness.

    Everything had to be perfect from the beginning. No missteps. No messy progress. Just polished output from the very first try.

    That’s a weird standard to hold myself to. And quite frankly, an unhealthy one.

    It sucks the joy out of learning… Perfectionism isn’t just about being good, it’s about trying to erase all signs of growth. To be at expert level from the start.

    Before writing this, I looked up the definition of “perfection.”
    It said: “a flawless state where everything is exactly right.”

    But what is exactly right and who gets to decide?

    Maybe perfection is just a made-up construct.
    A personal myth we hold ourselves to.

    And maybe the pursuit of it is what’s keeping me from doing the very thing I set out to do: write.
    Perfection is not the goal, learning is.
    I’m not starting over this time. I’m starting from here.